Director: Lee Demarbre
Writer: Ian Driscoll
Tagline: The first testament says "an eye for an eye." - The second testament says "love thy neighbor." - The third testament ... Kicks Ass!!!
Actors: Phil Caracas, Murielle Varhelyi, Ian Driscoll, Jeff Moffet, Josh Grace, Jason McMaster, Mike Funk, Alex Godin
Runtime: 1h 25m
Category: Comedy, Kung-Fu, Musical, Religious, Romance, Spoof, Vampire
Synopsis: Jesus Christ has returned! But before he can begin judging mankind, he must defeat a race of evil vampires who have discovered the secret to “day-walking.” With the help of the lovely Maxine Schreck, and Mexican wrestler El Santos, Jesus should have no problem banishing the blood-sucking demons back to hell! But problems arise and Jesus soon finds Santos and himself fighting for their respective lives in an abandoned junk yard.
Review: Wow…uh…sigh…what can I say about this movie? I think the “Category” description should be enough to explain to the average Joe that this movie was not going to be a blockbuster hit. On the contrary…actually…no…this movie was just awful. But that is what made this movie so awesome! I loved this movie. I thought that the concept was terrible, the plot was bad, the syncing was really bad, and the acting was pre sub-par. Ok, so here’s the story: Jesus is attacked on a beach with two other priests by some lesbian vampires (yes…I said lesbian vampires). After the two priests die, Jesus decides to go retro: he cuts his hair, gets earrings, and goes Gap poster child with “new” clothes from a resale place. So now Jesus looks like the lead singer of Project 86, or, if you do not know who that is, he looks like Justin Theroux who played Seamus O'Grady in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. Anyway, with a new look and a sidekick, Jesus goes on the hunt for the vampire cult who is massacring the lesbian population. That’s the story. I laughed my ass off most of the movie because it is that bad. It is one of those “not even B-rate” movies that you long to find; one of those “diamonds in the rough” that you can watch over and over with friends and it will always be funny. Please see this, you will hate and love me at the same time for it. But do not buy it…these people should not be encouraged.
Rating: 6. Yes, it was terrible. But the only thing that kept this movie from the depths of a goose egg was the fact that it was just hilarious over-all. I know that I am kinda breaking the rules here on this one but once you see it you’ll understand. Objectively, I should have given this movie a 3 or less, like a 0, like it deserves. But politically, I just had to save it from the horrible bowels of the unfathomable abyss. Do not rent or buy…download it. And remember to watch with a friend! Share the pain together! (6of25).
Writer: Ian Driscoll
Tagline: The first testament says "an eye for an eye." - The second testament says "love thy neighbor." - The third testament ... Kicks Ass!!!
Actors: Phil Caracas, Murielle Varhelyi, Ian Driscoll, Jeff Moffet, Josh Grace, Jason McMaster, Mike Funk, Alex Godin
Runtime: 1h 25m
Category: Comedy, Kung-Fu, Musical, Religious, Romance, Spoof, Vampire
Synopsis: Jesus Christ has returned! But before he can begin judging mankind, he must defeat a race of evil vampires who have discovered the secret to “day-walking.” With the help of the lovely Maxine Schreck, and Mexican wrestler El Santos, Jesus should have no problem banishing the blood-sucking demons back to hell! But problems arise and Jesus soon finds Santos and himself fighting for their respective lives in an abandoned junk yard.
Review: Wow…uh…sigh…what can I say about this movie? I think the “Category” description should be enough to explain to the average Joe that this movie was not going to be a blockbuster hit. On the contrary…actually…no…this movie was just awful. But that is what made this movie so awesome! I loved this movie. I thought that the concept was terrible, the plot was bad, the syncing was really bad, and the acting was pre sub-par. Ok, so here’s the story: Jesus is attacked on a beach with two other priests by some lesbian vampires (yes…I said lesbian vampires). After the two priests die, Jesus decides to go retro: he cuts his hair, gets earrings, and goes Gap poster child with “new” clothes from a resale place. So now Jesus looks like the lead singer of Project 86, or, if you do not know who that is, he looks like Justin Theroux who played Seamus O'Grady in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. Anyway, with a new look and a sidekick, Jesus goes on the hunt for the vampire cult who is massacring the lesbian population. That’s the story. I laughed my ass off most of the movie because it is that bad. It is one of those “not even B-rate” movies that you long to find; one of those “diamonds in the rough” that you can watch over and over with friends and it will always be funny. Please see this, you will hate and love me at the same time for it. But do not buy it…these people should not be encouraged.
Rating: 6. Yes, it was terrible. But the only thing that kept this movie from the depths of a goose egg was the fact that it was just hilarious over-all. I know that I am kinda breaking the rules here on this one but once you see it you’ll understand. Objectively, I should have given this movie a 3 or less, like a 0, like it deserves. But politically, I just had to save it from the horrible bowels of the unfathomable abyss. Do not rent or buy…download it. And remember to watch with a friend! Share the pain together! (6of25).
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