Hatchet (2006)

Director: Adam Green

Writer: Adam Green

Tagline: Old school American Horror.

Actors: Joel Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Mercedes McNab, Kane Hodder, Parry Shen, Joleigh Fioreavanti, Joel Murray, Richard Riehle, Patrika Darbo, Robert Englund, Joshua Leonard, Tony Todd, John Carl Buechler

Runtime: 1h 33m

Category: Comedy, Slasher

Synopsis: After the breakup between Ben and his long-time girlfriend, Ben’s buddy Marcus takes him down to Mardi Gras to get his mind off of the whole ordeal. Since Ben is not into the party scene, he convinces Marcus to go on a haunted swamp tour. When they arrive they meet the other passengers, an overly-excited older couple, a soft porn director and his two floozies, and a mysterious local named Marybeth. While on the tour, the guide, who seems to be racially confused, prunes the boat on a rock, puncturing the hull. They abandon the boat and soon they find themselves in mortal danger. Marybeth tells them the legend of Victor Crowley, a homicidal freak who is trapped in the night he supposedly died. She tells them that these woods are his woods, and that if anyone gets too close to the old Crowley place, he kills them. Not believing a word of the tale, the older couple race up to the house, where Crowley himself appears and takes them both out. Now, they are all on the run from this monster of a man who seems to be lurking around every corner. Who will survive the murderous rampage of the invincible Victor Crowley?

Review: I have been waiting for this movie for a very long time. From what I understand, the director had a hell of a time getting the film picked up. He was on the promotion trail for over seventeen months, I heard. I gotta give him credit and major props for his tenacity and unwillingness to give up. So, on behalf of myself and all of the staff here at Jonny Cage’s Horror Movie Reviews…thank you.

I was told that this movie was not going to be a remake, a sequel, or anything like that. I thought it a bit strange that the PR people would feel it necessary to make that distinction, but after seeing the movie, I understand. This movie is basically a homage to the greats of the 70’s and 80’s slasher genre. Thus, you’re gonna get copious amounts of blood, chunkies, and boobies. Enjoy!

The story was not original in any respect, but with the understanding of what this movie was intended to be, it didn’t have to be anything spectacular. I personally thought that the story was good and solid, with some plot holes here and there, leaving room for a sequel (of which I hear is already in talks). But apart from the plot holes and unoriginality, the story was just plain fun. It’s one of those bloody slasher flicks that prides itself on how gruesome and nasty is can be. It’s definitely one to remember. Great homage, very well done.

The acting was, to my surprise, very good. I wasn’t expecting much out of this ensemble cast but I was quite pleased. I was also surprised to see so many familiar faces from very different places, like: Joel Moore who played Owen in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004), Mercedes McNab who played Amanda Buckman in Addams Family Values (1993), Parry Shen who was Glen from The New Guy (2002) and was in The Hazing (2004), Robert Englund, and Tony Todd. Wow, what a cast! I was a bit worried about how Moore would do in the horror genre, but I gotta say…I was not disappointed. This film definitely has a good casting director. Everyone seemed to hit their mark, from the dumb, but flirtatious valley girl, to the racially confused tour guide, to the homicidal mutant himself. Nice work…everyone.

The gore was my favorite part of the whole movie (go figure). It was very reminiscent of the slashers of yester-year with the arterial-squirtage and limb-chopping. I loved that even though the effects and technology of today could have allotted them quite the bloody reality, they kept to the slasher roots and made it almost campy. But apart from the blood, the chunkies were also very well orchestrated. I loved the scene where that chick gets her head ripped open by the mouth (my personal fav). You will not find another flick in this day in age that has more fun with their gore than this one. Bravo!

Rating: 25. This movie was just a bucket of bloody fun. I loved every minute of it, even the boring stuff, of which was very minimal. I can’t really harp on this flick at all considering the plot holes were intentional due to a sequel being in the works; you could not ask for a better lead-in. So if you get the chance...no, screw that…make time to see this movie, you will not be disappointed! (25of25).